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故事亭 2018-02-25 英语笑话


1.简单易懂的英文笑话:My Husband Will Be Home Soon

  A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she requested that he shave his beard.

  Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.

  James replied, My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!

  Oh please, the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...

  Oh really, I can't, he replies...My wife loves this beard!

  The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

  The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies, Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!









2.简单易懂的英文笑话:Twenty-one Forever “妙”龄证人

  In court a judge asked the witness, "How old are you? I mean, really, how old are you? And remember, you're under oath(宣誓) so tell the truth."

  The woman replied, "I'm twenty one and some months."

  The judge said, "Be specific: how many months?"

  So she said, "One hundred and eighteen months."





简单易懂的英文笑话:No Pen But A Pistol

  A lady and her son whom was about 10 years old came to buy pond fish from me one day. After I packed her favourite fish, I needed to write down the price label then stuck it on the fish bag, but I couldn’t find a pen at that moment.

  "Did you have a pen?" I asked the lady.

  "I am afraid not." She opened her hand bag and put her right hand inside to try and find one.

  I waited and looked at her, her son did the same as me.

  In a minute, she suddenly and a little loudly said:

  "I have no pen but I have a pistol." she liked an actress took a pistol out and pointedit at me, I hadn’t reacted yet.

  "It’s my toy pistol!" Her son loudly shouted to her.

3简单易懂的英文笑话:Modern lief 现代生活

  Two old friends got together after many years and soon fell to discussing their husbands' faults.

  We've been married fifteen years, one woman said, and every night after dinner my husband always complains about the food.

  How terrible! exclaimed the other. Does it bother you?

  Why should it bother me? her friend replied. if he can't only stand his own cooking?





4 简单易懂的英语笑话:He Won 他赢了

  Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

  Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

  Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.





5简单易懂的英语笑话:Three pastors 三个牧师

  Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

  Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.

  The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!




6简单易懂的英语笑话:Excited Remarks 激动的话

  Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.

  One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.



7简单易懂的英语笑话:Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

  A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

  Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

  His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?

  A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?


  他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道,是不是去取他的存款?

8 简单易懂的英语笑话:Whose father was the stronger

  Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger.

  Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."

  Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!"


  比尔不屑地说:“那没什么。你知道死海吗? 那是我爸爸打死的。”

9简单易懂的英语笑话:Persistance 缠住不放

  Returning from a golf outing(远足,短途旅行) , my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?

  Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win, my husband hedged(避免作正面答复) . We just play to have fun.

  Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?




10 简单易懂的英语笑话:Knights & Nights 黑暗时代

  Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?

  Betty: Because they had so many knights.



11简单易懂的英语笑话:Who is Stupid 谁愚蠢

  A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

  Little Johnny then stood up.

  The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

  "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"