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简单易读的英语笑话

故事亭 2018-02-25 英语笑话

  引导语:民间笑话是一种颇受人们喜爱的民间叙事类型,材料丰富,有广泛的现实基础。小编精心收集了爆笑简短的英文笑话,供大家欣赏学习!

1.简单易懂的英文笑话:My Husband Will Be Home Soon

  A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she requested that he shave his beard.

  Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.

  James replied, My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!

  Oh please, the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...

  Oh really, I can't, he replies...My wife loves this beard!

  The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

  The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies, Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!

  一个已婚男人去拜访他的女朋友时,女朋友要求他剃去胡须。

  噢,詹姆斯,我喜欢你的胡子,但我更喜欢看到你英俊的面孔。

  詹姆斯回答说,我的妻子喜欢我的胡子,所以我不可能剃掉它,否则她会杀了我的。

  噢,我求你了,女朋友用一种低沉的、性感的声音又一次说道

  。

  可是,我不能,他回答道,我的妻子喜欢这胡子。

  在女朋友再三请求下,他终于屈服同意了。夜里,在妻子熟睡时,詹姆斯爬上了床。

  妻子朦朦胧胧地摸了摸他的脸说道,噢,迈克尔,你不应该在这里,我的丈夫很快就要回来了。

2.简单易懂的英文笑话:Twenty-one Forever “妙”龄证人

  In court a judge asked the witness, "How old are you? I mean, really, how old are you? And remember, you're under oath(宣誓) so tell the truth."

  The woman replied, "I'm twenty one and some months."

  The judge said, "Be specific: how many months?"

  So she said, "One hundred and eighteen months."

  庭上的法官问证人:“多大了?我的意思是,真实年龄是多少?别忘了刚才已经宣誓过,所以请诚实作答”

  这位女士回答:“我是二十一岁又几个月。”

  法官说:“要讲精确,到底是多少个月?”

  她回答:“一百一十八个月!”

简单易懂的英文笑话:No Pen But A Pistol

  A lady and her son whom was about 10 years old came to buy pond fish from me one day. After I packed her favourite fish, I needed to write down the price label then stuck it on the fish bag, but I couldn’t find a pen at that moment.

  "Did you have a pen?" I asked the lady.

  "I am afraid not." She opened her hand bag and put her right hand inside to try and find one.

  I waited and looked at her, her son did the same as me.

  In a minute, she suddenly and a little loudly said:

  "I have no pen but I have a pistol." she liked an actress took a pistol out and pointedit at me, I hadn’t reacted yet.

  "It’s my toy pistol!" Her son loudly shouted to her.

3简单易懂的英文笑话:Modern lief 现代生活

  Two old friends got together after many years and soon fell to discussing their husbands' faults.

  We've been married fifteen years, one woman said, and every night after dinner my husband always complains about the food.

  How terrible! exclaimed the other. Does it bother you?

  Why should it bother me? her friend replied. if he can't only stand his own cooking?

  两个老朋友分别多年之后又见面了,很快就开始谈起各自丈夫的缺点。

  我们结婚十五年了,一个妇女说道,每天晚饭后,我丈夫总要抱怨饭菜。

  真可恶!另一个惊呼道。难道你不烦吗?

  我烦什么?她的朋友答道。他不过是忍受不了自己的烹调技术。

4 简单易懂的英语笑话:He Won 他赢了

  Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

  Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

  Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

  汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

  约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

  汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

  约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

5简单易懂的英语笑话:Three pastors 三个牧师

  Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

  Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.

  The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!

  三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道:“你们知道吗,自从夏天来临,我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰,我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”

  另外一位说:“是啊,我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍,它们还是赶不走。”

  第三个牧师说:“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼,让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”

6简单易懂的英语笑话:Excited Remarks 激动的话

  Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.

  One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.

  我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的爱好。只要看见一辆摩托车,他就会高兴得哇哇直叫,并激动地说:瞧这辆!瞧这辆,我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着,你就别想有这玩艺儿。

  一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话,有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。

7简单易懂的英语笑话:Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

  A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

  Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

  His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?

  A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?

  小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子:有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。

  他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道,是不是去取他的存款?

8 简单易懂的英语笑话:Whose father was the stronger

  Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger.

  Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."

  Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!"

  维尔和比尔在争吵,谁的爸爸是更强壮的一个。维尔说:“你知道太平洋吗?那个坑是我爸爸挖的。”

  比尔不屑地说:“那没什么。你知道死海吗? 那是我爸爸打死的。”

9简单易懂的英语笑话:Persistance 缠住不放

  Returning from a golf outing(远足,短途旅行) , my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?

  Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win, my husband hedged(避免作正面答复) . We just play to have fun.

  Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?

  丈夫打完高尔夫球回来,我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。爸爸,谁赢了高尔夫球比赛,是你还是理查叔叔?

  我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢,丈夫推诿说。我们打球只是为了好玩而已。

  莎拉毫不气馁,又问:那么,爸爸,谁觉得更好玩呢?

10 简单易懂的英语笑话:Knights & Nights 黑暗时代

  Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?

  Betty: Because they had so many knights.

  老师:为什么有时我们称中世纪为黑暗时代呢?

  贝蒂:因为那时有许多骑士。

11简单易懂的英语笑话:Who is Stupid 谁愚蠢

  A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

  Little Johnny then stood up.

  The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

  "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

  一个老师在对学生们讲心理学,“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。

  小约翰尼站了起来。

  “你认为你很蠢吗,小约翰尼?”老师问。

  “不是的,老师,我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

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